Pitru Paksha, the two-week observance that takes place in September or October, is a tradition from India in which people honor and pay respect to their ancestors and loved ones who have passed. Pitru Paksha is a time to acknowledge the enduring legacy left behind by these ancestors, and to recognize how their contributions to the world set a precedent—a shining example—for future generations to follow.
In many cultures around the globe, annual festivals are held to celebrate and praise ancestors. For example, in Mexico and throughout Latin America, Dia de Muertos (“Day of the Dead,” which is actually a multi-day celebration), is a time when people build personal altars and offer flowers, food, and beverages to deceased loved ones.
In Japan, during a traditional Buddhist ceremony called Obon, people hang lanterns to guide the visiting spirits of ancestors and perform dances in their honor.
On All Souls Day in Italy, families set empty places at their tables for deceased relatives.
In Germany on both All Saints Day and Totensonntag (Sunday of the Dead), celebrants typically visit the graves of loved ones to commemorate those who have passed on.
In China, people honor their ancestors with offerings twice a year, during the Qingming Festival in the spring and the Chongyang Festival in autumn. Offerings typically include incense, food, and paper money. Spirits who have no family to honor them receive charitable offerings from the community in a separate celebration, the Zhongyuan Festival, known as the Hungry Ghost Festival. All these festivals date back more than two thousand years.
And in Nepal, during the Gai Jatra festival, families who lost a relative during the past year walk through the streets of Kathmandu leading a cow—and if no cow is available, a child dressed as a cow can serve as a substitute. Cows are believed to help guide the soul of the deceased to heaven.
These are just a few examples that I have heard about over the years, though I am sure there are similar traditions in many other cultures.
Wherever and however observances for ancestors are practiced, they naturally evoke contemplation on the inexorable cycle of human birth, life, and death. Yet cyclical movements are not unique to human existence. You find such movement wherever you look in the universe: in the orbiting of the sun and the moon, the systematic rotation of the planets, the changing of the seasons. In locations where the weather grows cold, the leaves on many trees lose the greenness of life; they wither and fall to the ground. Watching this, you may feel a certain sadness at their demise, but you are able to accept the event because you have the foresight and the confidence that, in time, spring will come again, and the green leaves will reappear.
The death of the body is, in the same way, an intrinsic part of life—no matter how or when it comes. Death is included fully in the natural progression of life. This being the case, it benefits us to contemplate what the scriptures of many traditions teach: that though the body may be ephemeral, the soul is eternal. When a person realizes and accepts this truth, they can better come to resolution within themselves about how they wish to live their life and how they wish to approach death. Indian philosophy speaks of karma and the prominent role it plays in life.
The first time I actively contemplated the cycle of birth, life, and death occurred many decades ago when my entire family was involved in a serious automobile accident. Although there were substantial injuries, we all recovered over time. I came away from this experience with a new and transforming insight: If everything you think can make you happy can be taken away from you in a moment, then you better pay attention to every moment you live. This recognition launched me on a spiritual quest. What does it mean to pay attention to every moment that you live? What is the true source of a happy life? What is life, and what is death? My quest led me to the Siddha Yoga path.
After I received shaktipat initiation from Baba Muktananda and began studying and practicing the Siddha Yoga teachings, I learned and experienced that lasting happiness in life arises from within, from the Love that exists in the supreme Heart of all beings. I came to understand that this happiness can be neither rescinded nor destroyed. And to attain it, a seeker puts forth effort to dispel the negative tendencies of the mind, discipline the senses, practice the divine virtues, offer service to humanity, and spend time in the company of the Truth by meditating on the Self within. Proximity to death, occasioned by the accident, had generated for me a new birth, and a new understanding of life—and led me to the Guru.
Early on during my years of Siddha Yoga sadhana I was awakened to an aspect of death I hadn’t previously considered. The teaching came to me in the form of a story from India’s celebrated epic poem, the Mahabharata.
Yudhishthira, the most dharmic of warriors, was challenged with questions by a clever and belligerent yaksha, a supernatural spirit who was the custodian of a sacred lake. Toward the end of the questioning, the yaksha asked: “What is the most wondrous thing in this world?” Yudhishthira answered: “The most wondrous thing is that people everywhere see all around them that everything that lives eventually dies, and yet they never think about it for themselves.”1
When I heard this story narrated one evening in a satsang, a light switched on in my brain. I saw so clearly that death is a natural and inevitable part of the process of living. And what is more, the “everything” that dies includes me… as well as everyone I know, have ever known, and ever will know! Learning more about how to live life had brought me to a deeper understanding about death. Acceptance and assent.
In the early 1990s in Shree Muktananda Ashram, Gurumayi Chidvilasananda requested that an area be created in the SYDA Foundation to support Siddha Yogis who came in darshan and wrote letters to her asking how to cope with the death and dying process of their loved ones. They sought guidance about how to grapple with their fears around death and how to help the people who were dying manage their own trepidation. The questioners inquired about what Siddha Yoga teachings they could practice at that time—for themselves and for the easeful journey of the soul or souls that were departing. The name that Gurumayi gave to this former area of the SYDA Foundation was Nirvana Sangha.
The Sanskrit word nirvana refers to that which is eternal, that which exists beyond death, beyond the transient physical universe. Sangham refers to a spiritual community or society and also to members of a particular spiritual community or path.
Gurumayi chose to use the word nirvana in the name Nirvana Sangha, as it would support people to understand that just as birth is significant and worthy of celebration, so too is death. Nirvana represents the final goal and destination of human life; it is the merging of the individual soul into the Absolute, the release of that soul from the cycle of birth and death. This word, in Sanskrit, and even in its more contemporary usage, has connotations of happiness, of perfect peace and harmony and freedom.
Gurumayi’s intention with this name was to illustrate that death need not be a taboo subject; it can be something to honor, an event imbued with joy, even in the midst of any sorrow that attends it. Both entering this life and leaving it are bookends of the beautiful, varied, and mysterious adventure of a soul on this planet.
Following through with this intention, Nirvana Sangha became the area of the SYDA Foundation that educated the community of Siddha Yogis about the Siddha Yoga practices and observances in regard to death and dying. I was one of the long-term members of the Nirvana Sangha team.
In this capacity, I spoke over the years with many hundreds of Siddha Yogis who were in the process of dying or who were supporting others transitioning from this world. One of the main things I learned from these profound exploratory conversations is that the person who is dying often requires permission and support to pass on. They feel that there are things in their life that remain unfinished and that they have a responsibility to their loved ones to attend to these incomplete matters. Often, they are also aware of unresolved conflicts that require amends. In addition, the person who is caring for them may themselves have issues that prevent them from giving the dying person permission to leave.
How to resolve these obstacles? What is the most essential quality to summon when the soul is on the cusp of a new adventure? From everything I have learned from Gurumayi and heard from people in my conversations with them, I would say that the main quality required at such a time is forgiveness. Forgiveness on all fronts. The person who is dying must forgive themselves for anything they have left undone and also for any misdeeds they may have committed in their lifetime, or any distress they feel they have caused others. And they must, equally, forgive others. Not only a few selected others, but all others with whom they may still have grievances, even of the smallest sort—anything for which they feel even a scintilla of a grudge. In parallel, the people who are supporting the one who is dying must forgive themselves for anything left unresolved with the person who is dying and also forgive, unreservedly forgive, the person who is transitioning from this earth. This is the time for both parties to release everything that might constrict a smooth and peaceful transition. It is the paramount opportunity for the person who is dying to free themselves: to let go of everything that binds their soul to the earth plane. And it is the opportunity for those supporting the process to genuinely and effectively help the person who is departing. Forgiveness and letting go make up the sacred current that transports the soul from one realm to the next.
I want to acknowledge that what I am sharing with you here is the timeless wisdom I received from Gurumayi over the years that I served as a member of the Nirvana Sangha team. While the Nirvana Sangha team in the SYDA Foundation is no longer active, wisdom about how to approach death and dying is widely available in the publications of the Siddha Yoga path.
I have also seen firsthand how much knowledge people inherently have about managing every aspect of life; this is especially true with those who have studied and practiced the Siddha Yoga teachings. Now, if you focus only on how big your problems are and how astronomically difficult they are to overcome, then yes, you are bound to flounder. But what if you changed the manner in which you think about these problems? What if, instead, you put yourself in a position of a mentor giving recommendations to someone else? And that person is experiencing much disquiet and vexation. What would you say to them? I can guarantee: you would be amazed by the stream of insight, of wisdom gained from your own life experience, that flows forth from within you. Before your very eyes, your own knowledge will become manifest. The person you are advising will be, in turn, completely uplifted; they will walk away feeling more collected, clear about what to do next, and deeply grateful for your time and support.
Remember: help comes in many different forms. Grace is always flowing. Be attuned to it. And don’t hesitate to help each other to remember your own goodness and attainment.
Although the Self is ageless, we all know that there is a time limit on the physical body. As my own body grows older, and as many of my friends and loved ones leave the physical plane of existence, I find that from time to time I miss them deeply. What do I do in such instances? I focus inward and recall all that they were. You will be surprised at how, as time passes, the mind only remembers good things—and I have found that to be such a blessing. By focusing on the good times I’ve had with my loved ones who have departed, they are, in an instant, present for me. I come alive immediately, and I feel even stronger in my resolve to live out, to the fullest potential, however many years remain in my destiny.
The Self, the supreme Heart shining brightly within each one of us, is beyond the body and beyond death. The divine Love that we all share never dies; we are united inseparably and eternally in the Heart.
Baba Muktananda, at the conclusion of his book Does Death Really Exist?, gives a definitive teaching about the Self and death. Baba says:
One day the body will drop away. In this world, everything that comes, also goes. But the Self does not die. The inner Self is ageless and unchanging. Death cannot reach it. Therefore, live with this awareness: “The supreme Truth lies within me; the flame of supreme Truth is shimmering and shining inside me.” That light is the Self.2
No matter what age you are, no matter what stage of life you are in, no matter what you are going through or what is disturbing you, regular contemplation on the cycle of birth, life, and death is immensely relevant. It has the power to enlighten you about the valuable gift of being alive on this planet. It enhances your understanding of all that you can achieve in your lifetime. It endows you with fresh perception, with a perspective and insight that is all your own on what this life—what your life—means.
Rejoice in your arrival into this world.
Rejoice in your accomplishments in this world.
Rejoice in letting go of your attachments to this world.
I once heard Gurumayi say:
Just think of the soul’s passing
as moving from a room on earth
to a room in the heavens.
During Pitru Paksha this year, I made an offering to my mother, who had passed away thirty years ago. I prepared food that I knew she liked, and I put her photo on the kitchen table and spoke to her as if she were present. As I did this, I experienced an overwhelming wave of love and gratitude. Leading up to this, I had been thinking a great deal about my parents and remembering their good qualities. For instance, when I was growing up, I was well taken care of. There was always plenty of food and regular meals.
Yet, I had had a difficult relationship with my mother. As a result, over the years, I have often felt guilt about some of the things that passed between us. But now, I feel as though there are no longer any ill feelings. I am so thankful to Gurumayi for this reconciliation with my mother.
Erina, Australia
I am very grateful to the author for her emphasis on forgiveness as the key in experiences of death and dying. As I read the text, many of my own strong attachments to incidents that I expect to be in a specific way dissolved. It’s true that when everything you were happy about can leave you in a moment, one would rather focus on just living happily in every moment.
It was great to learn about Nirvana Sangha. This led me to decide to sing Nirvana Shatkam during this Pitru Paksha, especially for my father, who passed away at age forty-five when I was just sixteen. While leaving this planet, he said only one word aloud three times: “Gurumayi.”
Today is my birthday and also it’s the day in Pitru Paksha according to the lunar calendar when I lost my father. I honor this essay, “Fresh Perception,” as great prasad from Gurumayi.
Dombivli, India
Today would have been the 100th birthday of my mother, who passed away eleven months ago. Reading this essay has brought me a greater sense of peace and deeper insight. It has also helped to calm my deep sadness. While I was reading the essay, I thought to myself how great it would be if Nirvana Sangha was still in existence. Then I realized that it is still in existence, as I discovered this essay just when I needed it!
California, United States
“Fresh Perception” brings to mind a recent experience.
I have shared my elder years in an independent living facility with some 130 other aging people. A few weeks ago, a Siddha Yoga student in our shared home passed away. Steeped in faith and years of practice, she approached death with extraordinary joy. She ceaselessly conversed inwardly with Shri Guru and received answers. As she lost strength to care for her needs, she accepted help graciously and shone with light. At last, one lovely sunny afternoon, she invited the entire community to our bright, breeze-filled common room for a last farewell. More than ninety people came, sang together, then one by one came forward for a private moment.
By her living example, our friend showed each one of us that it is possible to approach death peacefully and free from fear. A sevite to the core, her passing was a conscious offering of service.
California, United States
For several months now, I have seen how the health of someone dear to me has deteriorated, which has caused me to think about the topic of death. This situation has inspired me to focus much more on my spiritual practices. I have experienced how they support me in feeling much more at peace, more loving, and more accepting of this phase in my life.
This essay has helped me to put things in perspective. Through reading and contemplating it, I have come to the conclusion that only when I can truly accept death (of my loved ones and myself) can I live life to the fullest.
Willemstad, Curacao
“Fresh Perception” has brought me guidance and solace. This year during Pitru Paksha, my sister entered hospice care. She has had a challenging life with many losses. When a flood of grief arose during my meditation this morning, I prayed to know how I could best be there for her. Instantly I experienced the Guru’s grace enveloping me in divine love. I felt so loved and cared for. Then these words rose up from within: “Give her this love.” In that moment, I became this source of love and knew the best way I could serve my sister would be through offering her unconditional love and tenderness as she makes her way. I feel so blessed to experience this guidance.
Illinois, United States
It’s so amazing to experience universal synchronicity once again in action! The discussion of forgiveness in this essay rang a resounding bell in my heart. Just this evening, I had a strong inner feeling that I should make a list of all the people in my life against whom I might have had some grudge—and that I needed to consciously forgive them. I was surprised to see how long my list was! It was startling as well as humbling to realize that my mind was still holding on to words and actions of people from many, many years ago!
After doing this exercise, I felt lighthearted and refreshed. I next made a list of everything and everyone in my life that I wanted to truly thank, including my ancestors. This list was also very long. My takeaway from the essay, as well as this exercise, was to stay in touch with the subtle messages and blessings of my ancestors since God speaks through many mouths.
Mumbai, India
I am grateful to Kshama Ferrar for writing this essay, which is very rich with topics for me to contemplate. Forgiveness pulses like a neon light for me. I have heard the teaching that forgiveness dissolves anger; I would love to be free of anger and reconciled with all.
Having read this article, I am now inspired to contemplate and practice forgiveness.
New York, United States
For most of this year I’ve been involved, peripherally or at close quarters, with friends who are dying. Coupled with my own age and physical infirmities, this has brought up dread of what may lie ahead for me, and a feeling that, since I’m in a waiting room, it’s not worth embarking on any new venture.
Then I read “Fresh Perception,” including the sentence “Both entering this life and leaving it are bookends of the beautiful, varied, and mysterious adventure of a soul on this planet.” Reading this, I saw that not only my death but also this chapter of my life are integral parts of that adventure. I saw that always striving to be younger and fitter than I am was a denial of the natural cycle of life. I saw that by thinking I’m in “the waiting room,” I am prematurely foreclosing on my life. Above all, I saw how I’d allowed myself to identify with the body and its finite physical life, not the great Consciousness of which it is a manifestation. I’d become lost in maya without even realizing it.
I am so grateful that this essay has brought me back to the Truth.
Corsham, United Kingdom
Even as a child I was aware that life is a precious gift—and it is short! I knew I wanted to live this life in the best way possible, without wasting a single moment. I prayed to God, “Please show me how you want me to live, and help me find you.” He led me to the Guru’s feet and for forty-two years, I have been following the Siddha Yoga path under the loving guidance of first Baba and then Gurumayi.
Not long ago I was diagnosed with inoperable, incurable cancer. I’d have expected to feel devastated and frightened by this, but quite the opposite happened. It feels more like an honor bestowed upon me, an opportunity to step up my sadhana, an invitation to take the next step up the ladder. It feels as if the fruits of my many years of living a life in God’s presence through joyful spiritual practices have brought God closer and closer to me every day. Gradually, my focus became surrendering to his will by aligning my will with his. That surrender has given me untold freedom. Life has become a real adventure, a journey of discovery, and I feel light and free.
How blessed am I to have a living Master to guide me to my true home. I am “good to go”!
Windsor, United Kingdom
Reading “Fresh Perception” made me feel more and more serene. It recalled for me the death of a good friend of mine a few months ago. He hadn’t wanted to let anybody know he was gravely ill. So when his wife told me he had just passed away, I went to his funeral.
I spoke in the church of his village. I spoke about his sadhana on the Siddha Yoga path, the seva he had offered so generously, and his beautiful qualities. Even though the coffin was right in front of me, I didn’t feel he was inside it. Rather, I felt he was alive and present—and listening to me.
It was for me the deepest experience of Baba’s teaching that “the Self does not die.” Gurumayi’s grace was palpable the entire time.
I feel so grateful for these understandings.
Juvignac, France
I found such an abundance of wisdom and reflection in this essay, “Fresh Perception.”
I begin my morning meditation practice with various affirming sentences, such as “I am great,” “I am the light of the Self,” “I am the supreme Self,” “I am grateful.” I noticed this morning how uncomfortable I can feel when I repeat “I am great.”
So I journaled about it and realized that I have a hard time forgiving myself for some things from the past. At the end of my journaling, I offered pranam before my puja and prayed that I may forgive myself for acts that have hurt others. Later on I opened to the Siddha Yoga path website—and found Kshama’s inspiring and insightful essay, with her insights about the importance of “forgiveness on all fronts.”
My prayer was heard!
New Mexico, United States
The love and wisdom in this essay flow straight to my heart.
Recently I have been creating rituals like making morning porridge and cups of tea in my finest porcelain for my ancestors and the Siddhas. I place them on my puja and I instantly start to feel the ancestral support, which lasts for days. I have an inner knowing that they have received my offerings and are grateful!
This is one way I have to feel close to my loved ones at a time when we can’t all be together so easily. It brings me great comfort.
Highett, Australia
My dear husband passed away last year after a brief and sudden illness. He was only fifty years old. My grief has felt like a tsunami of emotion and loss that I am only beginning to integrate into my being.
Today, on a road I had walked on many times with my husband, I thought I saw him. For a moment, my heart leapt with joy as I did a double take and slowed my car. Just as suddenly, I knew it could not be him, and my spirit was dashed.
When I arrived home, I called my best friend, who told me she had just read Kshama’s beautiful essay; she thought it would be perfect for me in this moment. As I read, I felt touched and calmed by the grace and deeper understanding that Gurumayi continually pours, like a waterfall of blessings, over me and all of us.
Missouri, United States
I am very thankful for this beautiful essay on death and dying. Kshama’s words and wisdom feel so healing, especially at this time when, like so many, I am facing the reality of my own mortality and that of those I love.
While reading, I felt the soft hand of grace supporting and comforting me as I reflected on my eventual transition to “a room in the heavens” that Gurumayi drew attention to.
California, United States
Reading this essay, I was moved by Gurumayi’s teachings on forgiveness, which redeems one from the bondage of stored impressions and fixed conceptions. I learned from this passage that the quality of forgiveness is universal.
Bearing in mind that the supreme Self dwells within everyone, I have been mentally asking for forgiveness in my day-to-day life. I silently seek forgiveness from the supreme Lord, remembering that he abides within those with whom I have any difference of opinions. This practice enables me to dissolve any internal barriers that seem to divide me from others and to experience inner freedom. I have been following this practice for the past few years and it has now become instinctive for me. On many occasions this has allowed me to let go of my own viewpoint and embrace others with openness.
For me the practice of forgiveness is also a true homage to those who are on the journey of passing away.
Sydney, Australia
I am so grateful for this magnificent, compassionate, and profound essay! This year, I seem to be taking Pitru Paksha into my heart and my awareness in a whole new way. I’ve been recognizing and contemplating the gifts that I’ve received from so many wonderful family members, friends, teachers, mentors—and beloved pets! I am the beneficiary of their love, which continues to bless my life. For that, I am very grateful.
I also recognize that feelings of sadness about those who are gone can arise from time to time. This essay helps me to breathe into those feelings with a “fresh new perspective,” knowing that it is perfectly OK and natural for sadness to arise. And as I continue to breathe, and breathe deeply, this essay reminds me of the eternal nature of the Self—pure love, pure light.
I am so grateful for the healing balm of these beautiful words at this time.
New York, United States
Reading the insights in this essay is like sitting with a beloved friend and receiving their support and kindness. It is a great reminder of how important we are to each other during times of “letting go”—whether our own or that of others—and what a blessing the Siddha Yoga teachings and practices are to being able to do this while living a flourishing life.
For me, Gurumayi’s and Baba’s teachings have been like having a fully equipped life raft. At times when I’ve felt tossed overboard into tumultuous waters by situations related to both life and death, I was able to climb aboard this life-saving support. Instead of drowning in my fears, I practiced the teachings I was contemplating at the time, which helped me bring the blessings and energy of the mantra into the moment. In doing so, I was able to allow the journey that takes place during birth and death to unfold with great respect, love, and peace within myself, for the person involved, and for all those around us.
South Melbourne, Australia
This beautiful essay touches my heart.
My father had done something to me as an adult for which I could not forgive him while he was alive. In our last hours together, I spent the time trying in vain to extract an apology from him; we parted at odds with one another. When he died a few days later, I was still very angry with him.
As the years passed, thanks to the Siddha Yoga teachings and the Gurus’ grace, I was finally able to reach a place of true forgiveness for his soul, understanding of his life conditioning, and acknowledgment of my contribution to the situation. I was able to release him to light and no longer felt he should be doomed to darkness. Although doing this wasn’t easy, I feel our karma has been fully resolved. I can even feel deep admiration for all he achieved in his lifetime.
I am still working in this way with some current difficult relationships and realized, after reading this essay, that time is short and I’d better get to it!
California, United States
Reading this beautiful essay, I am filled with gratitude and a deep calm. I feel I am sitting with a wise elder who is instructing me with compassion, love, and just a touch of light humor. The truths elucidated in “Fresh Perception” ring throughout my being.
I remember the powerful energy of love and forgiveness that enveloped me when a loved one passed a few years ago, allowing her to express feelings she had hidden away for many years. I could feel Gurumayi’s presence at that time and the enormous benefit of my own efforts in sadhana—both for me and for my loved one. At that time, I knew that I was encountering love in a new and more profound way.
Hampton, Australia
This essay is a generous and profound contemplation. I particularly appreciate the advice to approach a moment of darkness by tuning into the wisdom that has been growing in the Heart, trusting that our own deep wisdom can guide us through any experience. I realize now that this is the Truth, and am grateful to have it pointed out: that I can trust my inner Self to come up with the teachings I need when I take the time and opportunity to listen.
I love the name “Nirvana Sangha”—such a compassionate name!
Clifton Hill, Australia
I am very grateful for this beautiful essay inspired by this time of Pitru Paksha. It has been almost a year since my mother made her transition from this earth plane, and I feel sure that this is a time in which to honor both her soul’s passage and my passage through my current stage in life.
Just the other day I received some cards that I created in her honor, and I am sending them to friends and family with the deep certainty that this is the right time for taking such action in her memory. I am deeply grateful for the reminders in “Fresh Perception” that death is part of the natural cycle of life, and that remembering the goodness in our lives and in the lives of those who have passed is in our best and highest interest.
Virginia, United States
I am profoundly grateful for “Fresh Perception” because I live with a condition in which any moment may be my last. Since my first experiences of Bade Baba, Baba, and Gurumayi, I have been astonished by how their grace and blessings have guided my life.
After a formal introduction to Siddha Yoga in advance of Baba’s first world tour, I finally began practicing in 1984. My gratitude to Gurumayi is beyond words for all she has given me—and the whole world—in difficult and challenging circumstances. The Siddha Yoga practices help me keep my sense of humor. And no matter the external circumstances, there is a richness and indescribably expansive depth to my life because of these practices.
